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  • Writer's pictureSam Salerno

Real Beasts Lift Houses


It's one of the top five adjective I use to describe things.

If a guy's biceps are larger than my legs, he's a beast. If a dog weighs more than 80 pounds, it's a beast. If you're car prefers dirt roads to pavement, it's a beast. If you enjoy eating steak with your bare hands, you're a beast. Or if your name is Bear Grylls, you're a beast.

These just name a few ways I use the word.

However, the beast scale has yet to be quantified, and occasionally a wrench gets tossed into the machine which causes me to reevaluate what being a beast actually entails.

Take this little orange contraption, for example.

This little guy is called a bottle jack – a hydraulic device that can lift an absolutely insane amount of weight. It's tiny and simple enough for a child to use (with adult supervision, of course), yet powerful enough to practically be a mandatory piece of equipment in the contractor's arsenal. Throw it under a house, and you can literally lift the whole dang thing (that's what's going on in the picture up there). Just a couple easy cranks of the wrists, and boom...your house grew a couple inches.

On top of how awesome this thing is, you can also get it for $30.

Wait, $30 bucks for a super easy, compact machine that can lift a house?

Yes. It's a beast.

So then what happens to the guy with massive biceps? Is he still a beast? Well, I wouldn't want to go head-to-head in an armwrestling match with the guy. And I also wouldn't willingly go against Bear Grylls in a knife fight or a survival of the fittest contest. And in some circumstances I doubt I'd want to get between a starving woman and her steak (trust me on this one).

But when it comes to building a proper understanding of what being a beast actually entails, I've officially added the following qualifying statement to how I use the word: real beasts lift houses.

Yep...looks like I'm gonna have to hit the gym more.


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