The Cure for PMS
Friend, I want to make sure you didn't miss the memo on a HUGE research project I've been conducting and how it has to do with YOU! I need your help, so read on!
Over the last four months, I've conducted extensive, painstaking research on a particularly new phenomenon. It's so new, in fact, that it has yet to be officially recognized (I'm currently working hard to remedy this). It's subtle effects have gone largely unnoticed over the last decade, but more and more people are beginning to realize it's detrimental power.
I began looking into this phenomenon when a close friend confided in me the symptoms she was experiencing almost every day when arriving home from work. The following has been written without her explicit permission:
"I remember the days when I would come home excited to check my mailbox. Like, I used to get good mail – cards and letters from family, magazines I actually wanted, and all that good stuff – but recently...actually, I don't know when it happened...it's been a slow burn, I guess?...I get home and I just skip the mailbox altogether. I don't even want to check it, you know? Because I know what's in there. Now it's all just garbage. Just garbage. Bills, credit card offers, advertisements. Who wants to see any of that? Especially after a long day of work? If anything, I'll just pick it up and plop it down on my kitchen table...I won't even go through it because I know there's nothing good in there. I just wish...yeah, I just wish we could go back to the good ol' days when we were excited to check our mailboxes, you know?
My friend and I are pretty open and honest with each other, so seeing her that vulnerable didn't surprise me. What did surprise me, however, was the check I felt in my own soul; it was as if something deep deep down was screaming, "I know exactly how you feel!"
So, for our sake, I began my research. As you can probably guess, the more people I talked to about it, the more I realized that my friend and I are not alone. I found that a solid 90% of people polled experience the exact same feeling of despair when it comes to checking the mailbox.
I call this phenomenon Positive Mail Scarcity, or PMS. PMS holds that a lack of positive, friendly snail mail will result in a person's negative emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing. Over time, people who are subjected to PMS may find themselves afraid of checking their mailbox, cynical about the mail they receive, and experiencing feelings of ill-will towards their mailman/mail-woman/mail-individual (have to make sure we're being all inclusive here). Like a cancer, the longer PMS goes unaddressed. the more severe it can become.
I came to a low during my research, believing that there was little hope for a cure. I can't very well ask my credit card company, bank, advertisement magazine, etc. to write me more positive mail to help reverse the damage dealt by PMS. And unless someone all of a sudden has an urge to send me positive snail mail, it's highly unlikely that I'll magically start getting more positive, personal mail in my mailbox.
But then it hit me...
Curing PMS begins with us.
Sure, we can't convince companies or other people to write us more positive, friendly snail mail, but we can take the initiative to write more snail mail to others. You see, only when we actively stand up and be the change will change actually begin to happen. Research can only get us so far before action must be taken.
So here's the deal, friend: I need your help to stem the tide of PMS.
Fortunately, the action necessary on your part is extremely easy and equally rewarding.
Here are three steps I absolutely need you to take:
1. Use the large blue SUBSCRIBE button below to subscribe to my blog so you can stay informed about PMS. Not only will you receive notifications about my most up to date research, but (after following the direction in the confirmation email) I will snail mail THE CURE to your own personal mailbox. That's right, you'll get an actual handwritten letter from me encouraging you to stay strong and keep up the good fight (and thank you for subscribing :)
2. While you wait for my letter to arrive, I charge you to pick two of your closest friends and write them a simple letter or note telling them how much you appreciate them. I've found that even an encouraging note written on a sticky note and stuck in an envelope can have a tremendous impact on reversing PMS. (And, if you're willing, encourage them to subscribe to my blog, too, and take the challenge themselves!)
3. This last step is optional, but I would greatly appreciate the extra effort. When THE CURE arrives in your mailbox, take a picture of yourself with the letter and send it to me at firstname.lastname@example.org so I can see that THE CURE has safely arrived and has been appreciated. THEN take a picture of the letter you are sending to your friends as proof of your involvement in fighting against PMS. AND/OR, you can use the return address on the envelope I sent you and write me your very own letter. Either way, I'll be extremely grateful and will sing your praises on my blog and Facebook :)
So that is it, friends. Only by working together can we stop this tragic epidemic.
Go forth, and be the cure.
BAHAHAHA!!!! OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW STUPID I FEEL RIGHT NOW! I'm dying, lol! I just spent a SOLID hour and a half writing this thing and I just now realized my acronym is PMS!!! Oh man oh man it's been a long long day, hahaha! I'm just going to run with it. I spent so much time with a thesaurus trying to find a cool phrase for not having enough fun snail mail, I don't want to run back to the drawing board. Oh man, my whole face hurts from laughing so dang hard. Now I need a photo for this thing, lol. Oh it's going to be so good. I might totally offend some people. If that's you, I'm so so sorry, lol! I am being 100% honest with you, I didn't mean it. I'm just as shocked as you are, hahaha.
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE SO YOU CAN STAY UP TO DATE ON MY RIDICULOUSNESS! And I'll send you THE CURE (HAHAHAHA!) for PMS!! (HAHAHAHAHA, oh man! What am I doing?!)
I'm going to bed, now.